This guy was a serious WTF moment for me.  I don't think I have EVER had such a dimwitted customer, in the history of....... ever!

Dave* came in and asked about becoming a member at Smideo Weezy where I work, when I explained what he needed to join (photo id, proof of address etc etc) he decided it was too much effort to go back home just to get proof of address and his passport (his drivers licence, as it turns out, had expired several months ago). So he decided to buy a couple of DVDs since he was really excited to use his new dvd player he had just bought at the supermarket across the road. It took him about 40 minutes but he eventually picked out 5 DVDs that he felt would be a great start to his collection. So I took the cases, popped the DVDs in put everything through the system, printed out all the nessary reciepts and then handed him his brand spanking new movies. I then explained our return policy, all customers who buy a DVD with us have 14 days from the date of purchuse to return the DVD for a replacement or refund, or if they are an exrental to be resurfaced at no charge.  We wont exchange anything if you "already have it", "just don't like the movie", "decide you want something different" or have caused damage to the disk yourself (this rule is the important one for the story), so bringing back a dvd all scratched up and expecting us to replace it, wont fly, and no matter what you MUST bring back the reciept, otherwise you're screwed.  So he smiled, thanked me, and left.

20 minutes later he came back in with a puzzled expression on his face and asked "how do I get the disk out of the case?" Now I understand this is the first time he's had to deal with DVDs... but it's pretty fucking simple, you pop the button in the middle of the case and then gently remove the dvd, all our cases are like this. I explained this, and demonstrated it to him twice, he again smiled thanked me and left.

He then came back two more times within an hour to ask the SAME QUESTION. Both times I showed him, demonstrated it several more times, and even had him do it a couple of times. That was the last I saw of him for that night.

3 days later he came back, and tried to return the DVDs, it seems he had forgotten what I had taken SO LONG to teach him, and decided that the best thing to do was just to RIP the dvd from the case, snapping it in half in the process. When this didn't work he tried it again on all the other DVDs, getting the same result. So he decided that since the disks were now faulty he could exchange them for new ones, and "oh could you show me how to get them out of the case again". NO NO NO NO NO It took all my strength not to laugh him right out of the store, I explained that he did the damage and it's not our problem, I explained how to get the disks out of the case more then once and no one will be exchanging these for him. He grumbled and argued for a while then suddenly left. Over the course of the evening I get calls from 5 other Smideo Weezy's in the area, he tried to exchange the disks there and every time he failed he'd just move onto the next one.

No one gave him a refund or exchange, I hate to imagine what he's done to his dvd player.

I just made this, so I though i'd slap it on here for shits and giggles. Not that anyone reads this since it's been like a year since I posted anything, although since I backdated my posts from other websites and slapped those on here it looks like in UBER actuve lol, when im just lazy and bored.

I know this kind of suck has already been posted before, but it's happeed so many times in the past fortnight that I had to post, if only to save my sanity.

I work in a video store in New Zealand that rhymes with Smideo Weezy, in New Zealand the movieTwilight wont be out until Boxing Day, so I still have about 3 and a half weeks of this stupidity to endure. I have on average around 4 customers a day either calling or coming in to ask if they can hire a copy of Twilight, and when they find out that it's not even out in the cinema's yet they want to know when it will be released to DVD and if they can hire it. 
We don't get told what's coming out until two months before, so we have no clue, and even then release dates can change.  So at least 4 times a day I explaine this to Twilight's most annoying die hard fans in the nicest way possible *smile smile dies inside smile*, and almost every time I either get told im clearly useless and don't know how to do my job, they want to talk to my manager because im so obviously stupid I don't know what im doing, or once in a New Moon I get cussed out over it. 

Im really getting sick of this crap, by the time the movie has actually come out in New Zealand it's all too possible that i will have gone crazy.

Another suck which is coming up more and more is people who want to discuss...... at great length I might add, why they love/ hate the books, at first it was ok because i like the books so i know enough about them to not sound totally stupid when asked my opinion, but some aspects of the books are a little silly....... Sparkling Vampires for instance.  But for a lot of these fangirls (and a couple of emo boys, oddly enough) you cannot I repeat CANNOT say anything bad about the books for fear of death, or worse, them trying for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes to convince you that ZOMGYOUARESOWRONGGG.  I think im going to have to put these books on the "things of which we do not speak"  list right under politics and religion. 

What. The. Fuck.

I had a group of teenage boys come into my store tonight, and none of them were wearing pants, boxers yes, but no pants............................... 4 kids, all, no pants.

I told them they either had to put on pants or leave the store right now, and one of the kids asked me in the most astounded voice "Why do we need pants?" After I told him they tried to argue with me about the point, like i'd cave in and realise that my requirement for them to not be in their undies is silly. Pants..... no pants, just boxers, oh and singlets................ GAH!

Kids:
Im sorry your parents didn't teach you kids manners or how to dress but it's not acceptable to walk into a store in your undies.... EVER! Why I need to explane this to you I have no idea, clearly your parents are all idiots who shouldn't have children in the first place, GTFO.

The closer Christmas gets, the lower customers I.Q's tend to drop, so clearly it's beginning early this year.

The video store I work in seems to have some of the dumbest members to EVER hire movies. These are some of their stories.

This person doesn't get a name, they are just an idiot. Today this woman came into the store and asked if "Indian James and the Curse of The Crystal Temple" was out yet..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ZOMGFUCKINGMORONGDIAF!

When I tried to explain that that movie didn't exist, but "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull DID, she told me off, saying that "I didn't know what I was talking about and I should find another job that didn't require me to use my oh so tiny brain".

I love customers.................... they rule.

Quick update, the people who were harrassing my customers and chasing off all my perverts yesterday are back. And after being nice and just getting them to leave after much huffing and puffing on their part today I got mad, like Hulk mad, if I had the power of gamma radiation i'd go green! After being so sugery sweet nice to them yesterday they have the nerve to come back! I may be shorter then the average bear but im by no means a pushover.

So I called the cops. They have just been hauled off, thank goodness im only working till 9 tonight, I don't think I could handle much more of the crazy!

Ok, so with it being a bright sunny Sunday afternoon, with Labour Day tomorrow people are grabbing overnight DVD's like they are women at a shoe sale, so once again im left with many many small unattended children left in my store while "Mummy pops into the petstore/ cafe/ chicken place with FKC in the title. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *rips out hair*

Then to make matters ever better I had a pair of young notso gentlemen harrassing my customers with "the good word". Ok religion is someone's own personal deal, no one should ever have the right to tell a person what to believe, but these kids were standing like not even a foot away from my customers and asking them way personal questions, one of my favs being to a young teenage couple "Are you having pre marital fornication, because in *Insert religious icon's name here* eyes you are both going to hell and will burn forever." D= WHAT??!! Dont tell my customers that!!!!!

The only thing these kids did that was worthwhile was scare the creepies out from my porn room. Why do all the crazies come out around Halloween time? New Zealand doesn't even celebrate Halloween properly!

Now so far my job @ the new video store has rocked with a capital Awsome, but just lately..... well it's been a bit, strange. Maybe it is because the weather's turning and Spring has sprung (allbeit into rain and the occasional day of blistering heat) but people have been paticularly stupid over the past little while. And here is a short list of the stupid.

1) It's a rule that you cannot eat or drink in the store, so if I tell a customer they cannot bring their food/ drink/ beer (really wtf!!) into the store i usually get one of three responces. A: "oops, sure i'll just finish this outside and then i'll come back in, sorry about that etc etc. B: What?! Where does it say that? F*$k off Bitch *mumble mumble bitch mumble*. At this point they usually leave mumbling about how im evil devil spawn because I wouldn't let them drip subway juice around my beautiful store I just cleaned. And the one that really surprised me, C: What did you say to me????????!!!! *insert angry face here* F&*K YOU *Slams remainder of food/drink/beer onto floor* Have fun cleaning that up! What really annoys me is when customers are finsihing off a drink or food and i don't catch them bringing it into the store, instead of asking me to throw their food/ drink scraps out they just leave it in the store on a shelf for me to find! I'd hate to see how they treat their houses if this is how they treat my store!

2) When groups of children, sometimes as young as 3 years old just rock on into my store and are throwing dvds being loud, messing up my shelves and being soooo annoying as only children can be, for anywhere from 5 mins up to an hour. Then Mum/Dad/Auntie/whoever strolls on in and yells "OI KIDS HURRY UP" and then strolls out with their devilspawn in tow. WTF? Im not a babysitter, this has happened when parents go into the post shop, bank, pet store, any of these things can take anywhere from 5 mins to an hour. Im so tempted to start charging these parents, how much is the rate for babysiters now?

3) Now number 2 directly affects 3, because this has happened twice in the store now, where a couple of kids will be left in our store, and they need to go to the toilet, but there are no parents around to ask, so they just go in the store. Yep I'll repeat that, these kids will just go to the toilet in the store....................... EWWWWWWW!!!!! TWICE now we've had kids poop in the store, and instead of telling the staff, they just walk away and leave it for us to find! G.R.O.S.S!!!!! Now if a kid pees, it's not such a big deal, all that requires is a mop and hot water with an array of disinfectants, nice smelling soaps and my trusty "CAUTION WET" signs. Poop however, is a different matter alltogether!

I feel much better for that little complaning session. I am now going to go back to studying for exams.

Now I have worked for a chain of video stores for almost two years now. I have recently shifted to a new store because the other one I worked at had so many customer and co worker sucks i just couldn't handle it. Now im at a new store that I totally adore, with some of the most delightful co workers you'll ever work with. Having said that.

Dear lying porn dude,
When you discover you have late fees because you brought your porn dvd back at 10:15pm last night as I was heading to my car to go home don't lie and tell my boss you hand delivered it to me in the middle of the afternoon and I didn't return it through the system. Oh yes, you can describe me, because you saw me walking to my damn car, and security cameras don't lie, you never entered our store that day. Just pay your $8 and leave!

To annoying phone woman,
Can you not call me 5 times a night to ask when the new Star Trek movie is coming into our store, using different voices wont make me hate you less, I still know it's you! Yea im excited to see it too, but it isn't even completed yet, so there's no way i could give you a dvd release date, and no im not saying this to keep this uber cool movie ALL to myself, no im not saying this because im a bitch either, or because you're black, im on the T.E.L.E.P.H.O.N.E to you, how do I know what colour you are, you could be purple with yellow spots for all i care I STILL can't give you a release date!

To whom it may concern,
I am not giving you late fees because you're black/white/blue/yellow/pink with orange spots. Im giving them to you because you returned your overnight dvd 3 days late. Oh yeah AND IT'S STORE POLICY! No I wont wave the fee for you, not even if you ask nicely, not even if you offer to take me out, and especially if you yell/scream/point viciously at me, it will just make me ban you from renting movies until you've payed your $24 off. Also, I understand you read some article on the internet about saving money, and that it told you to barter with the cashiers, that should work really well at a car dealership, electronics store, or a flea market. BUT NOT HERE! In places like KMart, The Warehouse and Smideo Weezy the cashier has no control over what head office charges for Dvd's and rentals. Yes I COULD override that price, it's possible to do so on the computer, but you're a pain in my large ass and not worth my job! So do everyone a favor and jump off Auckland Bridge with rocks in your pockets and cement shoes on, no one will miss you.


Also just a couple of things that really annoy me:
1) If I smile at you and say goodmorning/afternoon don't ignore me, give me a dismissive wave, stinkeye me or flip me off, im JUST saying hi, it's my JOB! Trust me I hate it as much as you obviously do
2) When I tell you where a movie is don't walk off in the other direction ignoring what I said totally then bitch when you can't find it
3) If you need help finding said DVD ask nicely, don't yell "Oi, you, come here" or click your fingers at me, OR wave at me to come over, im not a dog, or a servant, I am a clerk and I have years of pent up anger I could take out on you.... don't tempt me!
4) Don't lie. About when you returned a dvd, if you scratched a dvd, if you have fees owing at another store, about anything like that, i'll find out, then i'll charge you for whatever it is you've done, if you just told me you scratched/returned the dvd late i'd of waved the charge and said have a nice day, because i do that with my nicer customers..... but for you, i'll charge full price.
5) Return slots are for dvd's not rubbish/chewing gum/ food scraps/ or to try and pee into.

There are so many more things I could write but i'll leave them for another night when I don't have loads of Uni assignments due.

I have worked at a video store for well over a year now, and I have had to deal with some of the most vile people ever to be brought into this world, from guys who spank into the porn dvd cases so I have to clean it up to the guy who tried to attack me to the creepy old dude who would wank in the adult room KNOWING FULL WELL I CAN SEE HIM ON THE SECURITY CAMERA MONITORS, all for minium wage. I have had most of the crazies come to my store..... WELL NO LONGER!

I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT I QUIT

I am moving onto bigger and better things! The final straw came when I returned to work today after having some time off to go to Australia's beautiful Gold Coast for some sun, fun and a family reunion with the cousins I grew up with. I am in the store not 20 minutes into my shift when a guy returns 4 adult dvds, 3 of which he had spunked in. He was a new member and aparently this was his first hire. While im trying to clean the sperm and lube off the damn cases my boss, the absolute delight that he is, comes out and tells me off for not cleaning the spunk off fast enough or cleaning it correctly, not that he offered to help or anything. I placed the dvds on the counter and told my boss I quit, that I couldn't keep working here because of "other commitments" and my next shift would be my last.

My boss didn't say anything to me, just grunted "fine" then stormed off, of course this didn't last as he had a huge bitch at me a few days later and told me how I was so disloyal and pretty damn useless in general, however thats not the point. The point is the day before I had recieved a call from the owner of our rival video store, which is cleaner, in a nicer neighbourhood, has a better selection and just tends to kick my stores ass and he offers me a job. Whats a girl to do.... I accepted! My sister works in that store and had mentioned, along with the kick ass manager Nat that I was looking for a better job and would be thrilled to work for him, even if it's only for one day a week, just get me the hell outta here!

I start this Saturday, and the hours fit in perfectly with university!! Best part is, I wont be working by myself anymore since this store has non pervy customers and serves more then 2 people a night!!!!!!!! WOOT!